One Year Later || Until I See You Again

This past Monday, July 13th, marked one year since my brother suddenly passed away. To even say one year just hurts.  It doesn't seem possible.  I think part of me keeps thinking I will wake up and this past year would have been one really long, awful nightmare.  It's like my brain knows he's not here, but my heart and soul ache for him to be here so badly.  It is a constant war inside my body.  

To be honest, this is not what I planned on writing at all.  I planned on making this a post of pictures and a sweet thank you to all of our family & friends that came out to remember his life.  But now, sitting here, I'm crying and it seemed so unattached, so not real life at all.  

So this is real life.  

Monday morning I could barely write a balloon to him because nothing seemed right, nothing was enough, nothing was the massive book of thoughts inside my head.  I thought about this past year, I wanted to tell him about life- how mom & dad are doing, what his friends are up to, how there were SO many times I wanted to call and talk to him, but I couldn't, and that made me mad.   I thought about this past year and nothing seemed special enough to mention. I wanted to tell him that I feel like there will be no more memories made in my mind because I refuse to make them without him in them.  As I sat in my car that morning, my mind flooding with all of these thoughts, my favorite song came on, the one that reminds me of him so much, 'See You Again.'  I sat there and listened to it and I thought about the day when I will get to see my brother again. HUGE SMILE. I don't want to get up there and tell him I stopped living, stopped making memories.  Then he would be mad at me.  We can't have that.  So right there, in my car, on my way to work, I decided I would do exactly what he would want -  Start making memories worth telling him about.

So my message to him looked much different than I expected, but I think he will enjoy reading this version much more. 

Bug, 

I miss you like crazy, more and more everyday.  

I decided that there was no better day than today to start making memories for you.  

I can't wait to tell you all about them when I see you again.

xoxo

Sis

That felt right.

If you have made it to this point in the post, thanks for sticking around :)  For those who weren't there on Monday this is what we did-

We decided to get together with family and friends at the fields where he played football for so many years. Football was truly his first LOVE.  We talked about sweet memories, my family learned more about how Josh has continued to impact his friends lives, and we wrote him messages of love on balloons.  We released them into the sky & it was beautiful.  

For all of those that did come- A HUGE thank you from my family.  Your love, support, and encouragement means more to us than you will ever know.  I am so very grateful for each and every person who filled my brother's life with love.  Thank you.  

~ xoxo ~

Danielle

Living || Life Lately from A to Z

So I love reading Julie's blog Peanut Butter Fingers and last week she posted a fun little blog survey that just kind of touches on life from A to Z. I thought it would be fun to join in so... here ya go, life from A to Z...

a || Age: 26

b || Biggest Fear: Well, this is starting off interesting.  I guess I will go ahead and be really honest and transparent.  It's the fear of not being able to get pregnant.  I have never been told I can't get pregnant, but for some reason I just have this strong feeling I can't.  I have been assured trying for a year is totally normal.  I try to remind myself it's God's timing, not mine but, still.  I cry about it a lot. Hopefully I am just doing a lot of pointless worrying, hence letter w.  

c || Current Time: 11:20am

d || Drink you last had: Coffee - go figure! 

e || Easiest person to talk to: The Hubs... he's on this little list a lot.  It's kind of like I love him or something ;)

f || Favorite Song: See You Again - Wiz Khalifa. Reminds me of my brother - When I sing it, I sing it to him. 

g || Grossest Memory: Okay. Warning this is nasty... When I was probably 6 my bff and I shared a coke and a corn dog.  She took a sip then I took a sip but it had a little something extra, some of her chewed up corndog.  Let's just say, no more sharing drinks and def no more corn dogs! ugh!

h || Hometown: Acworth, GA

i || In love with: The Hubs and Asher.  I love the little home we've built and I can't imagine sharing this life with anyone else. 

j || Jealous of: Girls who find the perfect red lipstick. I try, I just can't. Do you have it?! Please tell me what your secret weapon is! 

k || Kindest person you know: my mom & my best friend, Kirsten. 

l || Longest relationship: 5 1/2 Years with the Hubs :)

Back when we just started dating...

m || Middle name: Nicole. When I was younger I wanted to change my name to Nicole, mostly because a) I hated being called Daniel and b) some people called me Dani Boy... like, why? Scarring for a young girl, ya know? haha I seemed to have recovered though...

n || Number of siblings: This is a really weird one for me to answer. People ask me, I still feel strange answering it.  So I will answer it in terms like this: Alive - 2 step brothers, Matt & Nick; Up in heaven: 1 brother, Josh 

he clearly got his silly face skills from me...

o || One wish: I could talk to my brother again.  The night it happened.  Before he made that decision that ended his life.  I talk more about him and what happened in this post: Pain, Forgiveness, & Healing

p || Person you spoke to on the phone last: The Hubs 

q || Question you are always asked: "Is that your natural hair?!" I have naturally extremely curly and unruly hair and yes, I hate it and I know one day I will love it!

r || Reason to smile: Dancing in my favorite dress :) More awesome twirling skills here

s || Song you last sang: "We Got It Goin' On" - Backstreet Boys. Thank you 90s Pop Radio on Pandora!

t || Time you woke up: Today was my day off - yay! Slept in until 8am! Which if you know me, is actually really late!

u || Underwear color: this is kinda weird... so... my workout shorts are coral & grey 

v || Vacation destination: Hawaii.  My grandma took me there for 3 weeks when I graduated college.  We did a cruise around all of the islands + stayed on the main land.  I absolutely freakin loved it! The people, the food, the chill mood everywhere.  It was perfect.  

w || Worst habit: Worrying. I know it's pointless.  I worry about that fact too. endless cycle. 

x || X-Rays you've had: none come to mind...

y || Your favorite food: Does coffee & wine count as food? haha kidding... umm, lately probably sushi.   

z || Zodiac sign: Scorpio.  

{Have you done a life lately post? I would love to read it! 

Share the link below! }

~ xoxo ~

Danielle

Friday Favorites #1

Who else is super excited it's Friday?! The Hubs is having a friend come into town and they are prob going to be geeking out over body mechanics and working out all weekend, so... I am going to have a little girls weekend with my mom! It's been awhile since we have had one so I'm super excited! But before I leave, here are a few of my favorite things this week!

These Videos... Vogue 73 Questions 

I watched one then I kind of watched 5 more... Blake Lively, Reese Witherspoon, and Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice) to name a few :) 

Speaking of Spice Girls... 

Favorite station on repeat... Spice Girls Radio on Pandora

N*Sync, Backstreet Boys, Mariah Carey... need I say more? 

90's music will forever be my favorite.

All things Organization...

A minimalist's approach to decluttering

Okay so the title is 'Organzing is Turning You Into a Hoarder' - what?! lies! I will also forever be pro-organizing so just skip past the title and some of their suggestions to declutter are kinda cool... like give 1 thing away for 30 days... I can do that and we are doing this in the Dunn Casa...

Project 333

Basically it's a challenge where you dress with 33 items or less for 3 months... eek! I guess you would really be able to pick your favorites, but this one is a little too minimalist for this girl! What do you think? Could you do it? 

This desktop organizer... Chalkboard Organizer whoa!amaze!

This author...Holley Gerth

She blogs, she writes amazing books, she loves Jesus, and she loves coffee! Yep, she is probably my long lost bff... If I could sit down with any author it would totally be her! Her books are super encouraging, motivational, and drive me to pursue the Lord with my whole heart, even in the tough months, weeks, or days... I clearly highly recommend her books :) I will do a little book review over here in the next couple of weeks. 

and speaking of coffee...

this new little card...

Starbucks is always my favorite... but I lost my old Starbucks gold card so I got my new (and oh, so shiny!) one in the mail this week!

Prayer Inspiration...

31 Days of Prayer for the Dreamer and Doer

Casey, who blogs over on The Weigands, wrote one of the prayers in the book.  Her blog is filled with her adorable kiddos, gorgeous pics, and some incredibly inspiring posts. 

Praying for your Husband

A simple little prayer for your hubby for the next 31 days :) I just love this! It made me think how often I don't specifically pray for the Hubs.  He is my best friend, my partner for life, the father of our  future children, and the leader in our marriage, gosh, I can't help but think how crazy it is I haven't done this more diligently.  All I say is thank you Cassie for posting this & the Lord for opening my eyes to a weakness in prayer life & our marriage.  

and last, but not least...

These handsome little muttchkins...

gosh, I love them!

Questions for your Friday:

- Do you have any fun plans for the weekend? And is your Hubby a nerd like mine?! ;)

- If you could have coffee with any author who would it be? 

P.s. I am thinking about doing my own version of Project 333 and sell, donate, or trash 33 items for 3 days... sounds much better, right? Wanna join me? 

~ xoxo ~

Danielle